hiiii, back again. I had a weird day today. Worked 11:30-5, it went by pretty slow but at least the people I worked with were cool. I like Melissa and Linda they're probably the nicest people I work with. I currently have no cigarettes left and it sucks because I was randomly depressed about life today for no real good reason...other than I get lonely since my friends aren't around right now. It's probably a combination of that and the fact that I'm close to menstration soon...yay. When I got home dad made steaks and some rice. I probably ate waaaayy more than I should've...I also had a bowl of ice cream afterwards. Then some hard pretzels...which the other day cracked my wisdom teeth I'm pretty sure. Then he actually watched the movie I asked him to record with me. "It's kind of a funny story." I enjoyed it and I think my dad did as well, the books even better, I read it a while ago but I kind of forget a lot of what happens in it, other than the stuff in the movie I remember. Right now I'm on video chat with Jess but she's writing a paper and I am typing this stupid blog about stupid shit. I wonder what I will do with my life tomorrow, I still haven't beaten batman arkham city yet, mostly because playing as cat woman fucking sucks dicks. Three sniper rifles bring her down because unlike batman she DOESN'T wear protective armor...dumb cat slut. Well I'm probably gonna go now-HOLY SHIT THE WIND IS SO LOUD D:
puheace
Friday, February 24, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
This is our resistance...
Well hello there long lost blog. It's been almost a year since I think I've last posted anything on here. I guess I'll give a quick update on what I have been up to and all that jazz.
Well I finally went out and got a J-O-B! eeekk I know scary isn't it? Just wait till I start driving...hah. Anyway, It's been okay, I get mostly shit ass hours but I get paid so whatever. It buys the boxsets and books that I want at least. Not to mention the $60 phone bill I am now paying my parents for each month. Such bollocks I know. I got hired sometime at the end of September. Christmas hours were fucking insane...I had two nine hour days and I felt like I was going to die. Some of the people I work with are douchebags, but that's to be expected in every work place. I just hate when it feels like I am doing all the work there, and everyone else just stands around on there cell phones and goofs off. It's mostly the high school kids that work there that bother me. OH and of course there has to be this one attractive kid that I OF COURSE, have a crush on. His name is Keith and I think he graduated a year after me, he does have a girlfriend..yea I kind of stalked his life for a few minutes...okay I just overheard that's all...but he's like 7 feet tall and shit and of course I'm a fucking midget so that would never work out lmao. MOVING ON...
Life other than that has been pretty uneventful...my moods have been from slightly depressed to very annoyed. Nothing major, no explosive crying fits, no cutting, no real suicidal thoughts. I can't believe it's really been over a year since I've self mutilated...it seems surreal. I remember back when I would cut every single day, up and down both legs, both sides of my arms up and down...and thinking how would I ever be able to stop. WELL LOOK AT ME NOW BITCHES.
I still miss a lot of my friends, Jess and Mk are doing well at uarts right now, Bill still livin it up at mardi gras in New Orleans. God do I miss him...he came home for xmas break..but with work and shit I only saw him twice :(. I still hangout with Kelly, it seems to be sporadic with her, we'll hangout a lot for a month or two and then a whole month will go by where we rarely talk and I don't see her...idk. A lot of shit went down with her brother and mom a few nights ago...I haven't seen her recently..I do miss her a lot thought. I feel bad about what happened and wish there was something I could do..but I don't wanna bring it up unless she starts talking about it first. Who else? Is Mel even worth mentioning? I know it's mean of me to say but I think if I just stopped texting her I'd never hear from her again. We went five months without hanging out or even talking because whenever I would try she either wouldn't respond or she would once and then that would be it...It's because I don't smoke mary jane, or drink my self into a stupor. She's been hanging out with all of her friends who do all that stuff constantly...it totally sucks because I know that's the reason I don't see her at all anymore. It's weird but now when I do hangout with her...I feel like I don't even know her, I can't even describe it, I guess it's cause we used to talk about all the shit in our lives that was going on, and now we never talk about things like that. Most of the things I hear from her talking to other people aren't things I would be happy hearing in the long run anyway. OH HEY remember that brown kid Kristian? Lol me and Kelly actually hungout with him a few weeks ago...it was nice...although it really made me miss the old fucking days....he moved to south philly so that was the first time I'd seen him in like half a year maybe...Haven't seen Dave in who knows how long either...he sporadically IMs me on AIM, but it's usually when I'm at work and when I finally get to respond he's offline or something. I don't really know much of what he's doing with his life lately..I know he told me he got his licence, so that's a good thing I guess...NOT THAT HE'S TRIED VISITING ME OR ANYTHING......JERK...haha Kelly's seen him a few times an she said he's gotten really fucking skinny....like skinnier than kris....which is like skeletal...I just hope he's not doing something stupid like hard drugs or some shit....but in the long run yes I miss him a lot too.
Well that's about it for today, I have work tomorrow at 11:30 -__- yay fucking yay. I can't believe I have to work Sunday 12-close...wtf is that shit you can't just have me come in for like 5 hour shifts and then drop this stinking pile or horseshit hours on me...bastards at tjmaxx I fucking swear...moms going away to delaware for the weekend and I have one cigarette left...FUCK MY LIFE my dad will NEVER take me to get cigarettes even if his life depended on it...I really do wanna quit but holy fuck it's so hard...JUST THINKING ABOUT THE ONE SMALL CIGARETTE THAT IS THE ONLY OCCUPENT OF MY MARLBORO BOX IS DRIVING ME BAT SHIT CRAZY....LIKE I NEED TO SMOKE IT NOW TO CALM THE ANXIETY OF THE FACT THAT I HAVE NONE LEFT AFTER THAT ONE....FUCK. Alright bedtime
Well I finally went out and got a J-O-B! eeekk I know scary isn't it? Just wait till I start driving...hah. Anyway, It's been okay, I get mostly shit ass hours but I get paid so whatever. It buys the boxsets and books that I want at least. Not to mention the $60 phone bill I am now paying my parents for each month. Such bollocks I know. I got hired sometime at the end of September. Christmas hours were fucking insane...I had two nine hour days and I felt like I was going to die. Some of the people I work with are douchebags, but that's to be expected in every work place. I just hate when it feels like I am doing all the work there, and everyone else just stands around on there cell phones and goofs off. It's mostly the high school kids that work there that bother me. OH and of course there has to be this one attractive kid that I OF COURSE, have a crush on. His name is Keith and I think he graduated a year after me, he does have a girlfriend..yea I kind of stalked his life for a few minutes...okay I just overheard that's all...but he's like 7 feet tall and shit and of course I'm a fucking midget so that would never work out lmao. MOVING ON...
Life other than that has been pretty uneventful...my moods have been from slightly depressed to very annoyed. Nothing major, no explosive crying fits, no cutting, no real suicidal thoughts. I can't believe it's really been over a year since I've self mutilated...it seems surreal. I remember back when I would cut every single day, up and down both legs, both sides of my arms up and down...and thinking how would I ever be able to stop. WELL LOOK AT ME NOW BITCHES.
I still miss a lot of my friends, Jess and Mk are doing well at uarts right now, Bill still livin it up at mardi gras in New Orleans. God do I miss him...he came home for xmas break..but with work and shit I only saw him twice :(. I still hangout with Kelly, it seems to be sporadic with her, we'll hangout a lot for a month or two and then a whole month will go by where we rarely talk and I don't see her...idk. A lot of shit went down with her brother and mom a few nights ago...I haven't seen her recently..I do miss her a lot thought. I feel bad about what happened and wish there was something I could do..but I don't wanna bring it up unless she starts talking about it first. Who else? Is Mel even worth mentioning? I know it's mean of me to say but I think if I just stopped texting her I'd never hear from her again. We went five months without hanging out or even talking because whenever I would try she either wouldn't respond or she would once and then that would be it...It's because I don't smoke mary jane, or drink my self into a stupor. She's been hanging out with all of her friends who do all that stuff constantly...it totally sucks because I know that's the reason I don't see her at all anymore. It's weird but now when I do hangout with her...I feel like I don't even know her, I can't even describe it, I guess it's cause we used to talk about all the shit in our lives that was going on, and now we never talk about things like that. Most of the things I hear from her talking to other people aren't things I would be happy hearing in the long run anyway. OH HEY remember that brown kid Kristian? Lol me and Kelly actually hungout with him a few weeks ago...it was nice...although it really made me miss the old fucking days....he moved to south philly so that was the first time I'd seen him in like half a year maybe...Haven't seen Dave in who knows how long either...he sporadically IMs me on AIM, but it's usually when I'm at work and when I finally get to respond he's offline or something. I don't really know much of what he's doing with his life lately..I know he told me he got his licence, so that's a good thing I guess...NOT THAT HE'S TRIED VISITING ME OR ANYTHING......JERK...haha Kelly's seen him a few times an she said he's gotten really fucking skinny....like skinnier than kris....which is like skeletal...I just hope he's not doing something stupid like hard drugs or some shit....but in the long run yes I miss him a lot too.
Well that's about it for today, I have work tomorrow at 11:30 -__- yay fucking yay. I can't believe I have to work Sunday 12-close...wtf is that shit you can't just have me come in for like 5 hour shifts and then drop this stinking pile or horseshit hours on me...bastards at tjmaxx I fucking swear...moms going away to delaware for the weekend and I have one cigarette left...FUCK MY LIFE my dad will NEVER take me to get cigarettes even if his life depended on it...I really do wanna quit but holy fuck it's so hard...JUST THINKING ABOUT THE ONE SMALL CIGARETTE THAT IS THE ONLY OCCUPENT OF MY MARLBORO BOX IS DRIVING ME BAT SHIT CRAZY....LIKE I NEED TO SMOKE IT NOW TO CALM THE ANXIETY OF THE FACT THAT I HAVE NONE LEFT AFTER THAT ONE....FUCK. Alright bedtime
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