Karma?

I should be sleeping, but I'm not gonna try just yet, god forbid I wake up too early tomarrow with nothing to do and go BAT SHIT. Ha Ha. ANYWAY. I wish getting over someone was as easy as you make it look, like damn I wish I could do that. Oh but wait, I would then be considered a 'whore' wouldn't I? Whereas your rising total looks oh so good to the rest of the male population i'm sure. Ugh everytime I think about it I feel the need for a goddamn scrubbin in the shower. Pantine ProV *SPLAT* I have no idea how any girl could stand to be a part of a list with so many others, it's just discusting to me at least. Why did I even start talking about this? Maybev cause you're stuck to my mind like a goddamn leech to a human being. Only I feel as though you're sucking the litteral life out of me day by day. Unfortunately I don't have many friends around who I can talk to or hangout with, so I get lonely, and bored and you seem to be the only one who I can usually get a hold of. Trust me I know I should just cut you off completely..but then who else would talk to me? Who else would distract me from this never ending lonliness I've seemed to aquire? Nobody, and the sad thing is, talking to you doesn't even fill that void, it's just a distraction and makes me feel like I have at least one person who think I'm worth their time to talk to. I'm completely at his mercy, he takes what he wants from me without any questions. I feel like I've been raped in every way, shape, and form. He took away what I thought love was, he took away my happiness, he took away every single shred of innocence i've ever had. If I had known things were going to end up like they did, I would have ran so far away from it. I fell in too deep before I even realized what was happening, all along I thought I had a pretty good head about it all on my shoulders. I felt like I could handle anything he could throw at me and just brush it off without a care because he wasn't worth my time. That still holds true and always will, but the sad thing is, you can't control the way you feel deep inside, and it really does hurt. It eats away at you bit by bit, taking away evey bit of confidence you've ever had in yourself. I know I've lost all of mine a while ago. I don't feel attractive one tiny bit, I don't feel as though I'm worth any other males attention, nor do I feel that I will ever be 'good enough' for one. It's funny how the same person that used to make you feel like the most special person in the world, now makes you feel like the most loathesome creature not worth a single persons time. Anyway, I just wanted to get that out of my mind for awhile just typing it out and what not.



not only did you 'steal my sunshine' but you've left me with nothing but dark clouds