WHY

Why can't you just leave me alone? Isn't the memory of you enough to get through every day? Why do you suddenly give a shit that we haven't talked in months. Why now do you care if I've "forgotten" about you. I was more content with the feeling of being hated and left alone. Asking me if I have a new man and all that shit. Making me come to terms with the fact I don't have another "man" in my life. I know you probably smirked in satisfaction knowing you're the last fucking person I've had any romantic contact with. I hope you didn't run out of girls to fuck and are coming back to turn my life into a living hell again. I wont let that happen, I swear if you try any of that shit again I will tell everyone what you did to me, I have a few male friends that would just love to beat your skull in if they knew. I know it's a terrible thing to wish harm on others but..I honestly hope you die miserable. I'm just so upset and mad right now I don't even know what the fuck I'm even saying. It probably doesn't even make sense...I just really miss having someone to fucking cuddle with that's all...I don't even give a shit about sexual things, I just want a decent cuddle and to maybe fall asleep in somebodies arms. I don't really like to talk about romantic shit cause I think I sound extremely corny when I say it but...I'd love to be able to fall in love with the right person this time...someone who will take care of me, and be there for me, who would actually try and take an interest in what I'm interested in. Someone who wouldn't criticize a band or anything that I like and actually give it a decent chance...idk I'm probably asking for too much. Ugh Fuck This. And Fuck Valentines day too..all it does it makes single woman feel even more lonely, and unworthy, then they already might feel. I just wish things would work out for me just once..I wish I could break this depression that's been eating away at me for almost 8 years. I wish I could go to bed and not have to wish that I wouldn't have to wake up and face the stinkin day. I just wish I knew what to do to get some motivation. Being called a "useless lowlife who's going to die of cancer by the time she's 30" certainly isn't helping things at all. You know, I've always wondered how I'd turn out if I had different parents, I'm not saying that I am what I am all because of their upbringing but..maybe some things would've turned out different? Who knows, I'll never know. I wonder if their is a parallel version of me somewhere, that's happy and has like a million friends, and has almost everything that I'd want in my life. Knowing me, I'm probably still miserable there. Oh whatever, I'm an idiot case closed.