emtee

I feel ignored by everyone or I'm just not worth the time I really don't know at all anymore. If I just stopped trying if I just gave up would it be easier? I just am not feeling well I don't think I'm equipped to handle everything life wants to leave me with. I really don't feel like I have anything anymore anything to really hold onto. It scares me to be honest. I just hate feeling so alone and worthless I feel bad for having these bad thoughts. I know many people out there have worse lives then me, but I haven't lived anyone elses life, only my own and when it's all you've known it feels horrible to you. Sometimes I wish I was just in a coma, and if I ever wanted to wakeup finally I could. Well I know comas don't work that way but the chance of me going into a coma are slim to none. I'm not really sure what else to say. I'm all out of anything really. I guess it's really bad if you get to the point where you just don't want to live anymore. I don't really have anything to look forward to anymore. There isn't anything I really want to do in life, I'm just getting tired of running up that hill, I'm exhausted, and I just want to stop and lay down for a long time. I hate getting out of bed in the morning cause I know thats when my day starts, and my days don't mean much to me anymore. I don't even feel like a person anymore, maybe a parasite or a weird blob. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of the people that are close to me because they have the ability to let me down and hurt me. They don't think what they do hurts me but it does a lot. I like helping people and making them happy but I don't think I affect anyone this way. I don't really feel as though many people need me anymore. The idea that I actually want to die and that I know how easy it would be to do so...it's just..horribly scary. I guess I think about it too much. I know I shouldn't be thinking of it at all ever. But then I would just be a liar if I said I didn't think about it a lot.