damn

I'm a bit worried about a few things...todays September 9th...yesterday would have been a whole month...and nothing so far...not good...not good..Uhm..shit..still no sign of ever talking to my friend again. I guess she hates my guts. I want more friends, I know I've said this earlier but I feel like I've lost all mine :/ I'm still feeling the same pain every day...I kinda feel like a no good useles blob..I haven't been feeling like myself off and on for the past month..and I'm just not sure what it means or whats going on. I want to talk to you and see you so badly..but it's so bad for me..it's like I'm hurting if we talk and I'm hurting if we aren't..I just wish things could've stayed the way they were..I was so happy with you this time last year for the most part...I just  don't know where it went wrong..ugh why am I thinking about this again? I know I shouldn't. It just makes me weak and fraigile...Sometimes I wanna move to a different state and start over again...where nobody knows me and I can just idk..I'm really down right now..not to mention scared...although I've probably mentioned that already...I just feel like nothings ever going to pick up..and I'm always gonna be searching for a happniess I'll never ever aquire again...I know I sound like a lunatic...and I feel bad sounding like one...but I've beeing fighting this feeling off and on for years and years...I've been through phycologists, and therapists and medicinces galore...and nothing to show for it..idk...I need a life coach like in those MADE shows on MTV...fuck

Well at least I'm on a hot sauce bottle..